One of those manufacturers is a little company based out of Portland, Oregon, called Nike. Now, the economic practices of Nike could fill a Sharpy's Corner on its own, but would not necessarily be relevant to the general tone of this website (which is often described as a "reasonable way to waste two hours of your life that you didn't really know what to do with, anyway". Funny, I've also heard that said about most Michael Bay movies). Anyway, the one aspect of Nike that does pertain to the here and now is the fact that they have been designing the uniforms of the International Ice Hockey Federation since the 1998 Winter Olympics in Nagano, Japan. To their credit, the boys and girls from Nike came up with some nifty designs for the participating teams; indeed, the Bee Sharps have utilized the Nike design for hockey superpower Kazakhstan as the basis of their home and away jerseys.
Well, now Nike, in their constant attempt to be "cutting edge", have made a misguided turn towards such previous attempts at trying to change the hockey world (think "Cooperalls") with the re-design of Canada's on-ice look, to be debuted in late December at the World Junior Championships in Vancouver. The new design, called the Nike Swift, features new space age fabrics, air vents, and aerodynamic striping patterns that culminate in one of the more notable eyesores since the Vancouver Canucks decided in 1978 that Halloween was worthy enough to be celebrated all year round, and dressed according to that belief. Here's a picture of Simon Gagne shoe-horned into the new "duds" :
And shoe-horned is the optimal word here. One of the more enduring images from the Team Canada practice in August to launch these atrocities was Todd Bertuzzi requiring the help of three of his teammates to stretch his new jersey over his shoulder pads. The jersey is designed to be snug (for "snug", read "too small") to increase aerodynamics and cut down on the overall weight of the uniform. According to the official Hockey Canada press release (which you can read for yourself here), the design has managed to shave off an astounding 500 grams of weight, resulting in a much faster player. Because, of course, it was the jerseys that were slowing the game down all this time. Sorry, Jacques Lemaire. We forgive you.
Of course, the new jerseys have hit the shelves across the country in time for Christmas. But, despite the decrease in fabric used to make the jerseys, the price to own one has, alarmingly, remained constant. Of note, the replica jerseys are designed to fit more like a traditional jersey rather than the versions that will be worn by the players. This is entirely dependent on the size of the sports fan wearing the new jersey, of course. Given that the USA is also trotting out a similar design (which, like Canada's, is almost completely devoid of any strping whatsoever, resulting in what looks like a glorified, $120 practice jersey), Keith Tkachuk had better get on the eliptical trainer. And fast.
Oh, and what's that, you say? "Thankfully, the NHL, at least, still has tradition on its side". Not so fast. Reebok is currently designing a similar skin-tight jersey to be used by all 30 teams in 2006-07, including different coloured jerseys for goaltenders. It's all for the improvement of the "on-ice product" of course (remember when hockey was called a "game"?), but we all know it's about the money. Reebok and the NHL are banking on the millions of superfans out there to remain as current with their fashions as their heroes are on the ice.
I should know. In a past life, as some who know me may be aware, I was known as "Jersey Steve" because of my propensity of wearing a different hockey jersey every day. I had about a hundred jerseys in total (I still do), and was constantly sucked into buying each new one that came out. I even own a New York Islanders "Cap'n Highliner" jersey. Ick. Thankfully, I saw the light a few years ago, and stopped shelling out my not-so-hard-earned money on these things, but, sadly, I am in the minority. The vast majority of sports fans out there are sucked into buying, especially around Christmas, new home jerseys, away jerseys, third jerseys, retro jerseys - I mean, where does it all end?
Doesn't everybody know that the art of the hockey uniform was perfected with this? :
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